You think...

You think you know me but you don't. You never took the time. I own a thousand masks. None of them true. You think you have known me but you never did. You never had the time.

Love is so short. Forgetting is so long.

Bakit di niyo ko naiintindihan.

Hindi ako maglalamay sa puntod niya sa araw ng mga patay. Ginawa ko na yun noon at hindi ko nagustuhan ang aking pakiramdam. Hindi na siya babalik. Vampira lang ang nabubuhay na patay.

Wala na dun si mama. Nasa langit na ang kaluluwa nya. Magpapa-misa na lang ako. Magsisindi ng kandila. Hindi ko siya kinalimutan. Hindi ko siya kinalimutan kahit isang araw o isang saglit simula nang nawala siya. Hindi ko mapigil hanap-hanapin siya. Hindi ko mapigil na isipin siya bago ako matulog, kahit sa panaginip nasa diwa ko pa rin siya (nananaginip na nakaupo sa puntod niya, na nasa ospital, na nasa bahay), at sa pag gising ko sa umaga siya pa rin ang unang sumasagi sa aking isip.


Bakit di niyo ko maintindihan.

Bakit di niyo ako maintindihan na hindi ko ipinagdiriwang na wala na si mama, kaya hindi ko ipinagdiriwang ang araw ng mga patay. Hindi ako natutuwa sa araw na ito. Hin-di a-ko na-tu-tu-wa.

Dahil hindi lang sa araw ng mga patay naaalala ko si mama. Hindi lang sa araw ng kamatayan niya naalala ko si mama. ARAW-ARAW. Naalala. Naiisip. Ginugunita. Hinahanap-hanap. ARAW-ARAW. ORAS-ORAS. MINU-MINUTO simula nang nawala siya. SEGU-SEGUNDO. Dahil nakatali ang mga gunita ko sa kanya.

Alam ko na nasa mabuti na siyang kalagayan. Dapat matuwa ako. Dapat. Pero mahirap matuwa dahil wala na siya. Wala na siya. Kaya di ako natutuwa dahil kelangan niya mawala para hindi na siya nasasaktan.

Oo. Matigas talaga ang ulo ko. Mas matigas ang puso ko. Kelangan kong mag matigas kung hindi guguho ako. Guguho ako na parang mga pader na bumibigay sa lakas ng lindol.

May mga tao siguro na madaling nakakabangon. Madaling tumanggap ng pagkawala. Hindi ako. HINDI ako. Siguro nga sakim talaga ako. Sakim ako dahil gusto ko pa nang limampung taon pa na kasama siya. Nang marami pang panahon na tumawa, umiyak, kumain,at maglakbay na kasama siya. Pero kelangan ng langit ng anghel at siya ang una sa pila.

Sa araw na 'to mas gusto ko kasama ang mga buhay... na Malayo sa sementeryo. Lalayo ako.



"When we lose the one we love, our bitterest tears are called forth by the memory of hours when we loved not enough." - Maurice Maeterlinck

"The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides."

If you constantly seek perfection, you will never be happy. You will be constantly looking for flaws in everyone and everything. Nobody is perfect. Nothing in this world is. You will never be satisfied here. But dying is one way of meeting Perfection Himself.

Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. - Antoine de Saint-Exupery

coming soona t theaters near you!

*barrel of laughs from someone who got so darned good with photoshop hahaha!

what is up with you?

well, this has been what's 'up' with me...

i finally have Internet connection at home (hello bato and onemanga).

i'm teaching at a university here (economics and statistics - the last one is giving me nosebleed no matter the incentive). teaching is just like studying. had i though to f that before i made the plunge, it would have made all the difference... i'd still be stuck doing research. and my students.... help me God...

i believe i am getting infamous for being such a terror teacher (and i'm too young to step into the shoes of miss tapia, really). i was telling popin that my new theme song is gives you hell by the all american rejects...

"when you see my face hope it gives you hell hope it gives you hell;
when you walk my walk hope it gives you hell hope it gives you hell."

very apt...

i am a student again. i'm on a bridging class for my MIT and i'm having serious thoughts (real serious) about ever passing it. programming is so darned tough no matter how many times they tell me it's all about logic... i need a B+ on my C++ course but now thati'm thinking about it, just getting a C is helluva hard already what more of getting a B+!

i don't think i've used my brain this much. hmm...
it's overused and over utilized. it's filled to capacity. too much information is causing it to stall and shut down. i need an extra 400Gb of HDD, an extra 8GB memory... and a quadcore processor to make the processes run faster...



The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost

He who is dying of hunger must be fed rather than taught. - St. Thomas Aquinas

i was in nato last Friday and Saturday with my bosses. our group was conducting a focus group discussion (fgd) on gender and development with mothers and teachers in the barangay. we were suppose to head to Atulayan island the next day for another fgd but because of bad weather we had to cancel.

this fgd was probably the root of that outburst yesterday... hmmm....

it's depressing work... i know you're not suppose to take it home but it's hard to not to think about it. you learn things that now that you know about it, you'd rather not have known. now i know why there are many cynics here in research.

nato is a coastal/fishing barangay in the municipality of Sagñay. it has great beaches. like any other fishing community, it is plagued by one problem on top of the another. poverty, hunger, malnutrition... the usual group. but life goes on and the people make do with what they can.

the most depressed area according to the residents is la purisima. some settlers in this area came from parts of albay like misibis, tiwi, etc. we never made it to la purisima but the older residents refer to it as the squatter's area of the barangay. shanties right next after the other. problems with teenage pregnancies, couples as young as 13 or 14 already living together having kids more than they can afford to feed (most have more than 5 kids). infant mortality is alarming. one mom lost 4 babies aged between 2-8 months.

some of the teachers we interviewed said that the barangay doesn't lack educational facilities. although some of their students' desks are.... well never mind. it's not their fault.

their barangay has a daycare center, elementary, high school and a community college. but there are parents who cannot afford to send their children to school. kids as young as grade 2 and 3 help their parents earn money. those who are too young to fish, go around the village selling fish. teachers said that absenteeism is rampant especially during lean months when there is little fish caught. kaldero's (pots) with cooked rice disappear never to be seen again.

kids going to school on an empty stomach is common. no dinner the night before and no breakfast to be had before going to school the next day. so the teachers said they solicited funds to feed about 20 students from poor families so that these kids can continue going to school. if they go to school they get to eat.

there is a story that after a severe storm, the governor once gave the residents roofs (made of galvanized iron sheets) for their houses. since fishing is seasonal, there are times when there is very little fish caught to feed the entire family. when hard times came, queues of people were seen carrying those same sheets to the centro to sell their roofs. after all, what good is a roof if one is about to pass out from hunger?

the stories are told in such a funny humorous way, that at the same time i laugh while i cringe inside. these people are caught in such a vicious cycle. that whatver that happened to the father and the mother may well be the very fate of their sons and daughters. it's sad to always end up where you've begun.


After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done. - Unknown

familiarity breeds contempt... and the road to hell is paved with well-intentioned golf balls

after an interrupted ym conversation with jade, i realized that may mga hassle nga naman ang New Testament. sana hindi ako tamaan ng kidlat dito pero...

dapat may mga moments na pwede namang i justify ang an "eye for an eye and an ipin for an ipin" no? pag binato ka ng hollow block, babatuhin mo ba ng tinapay?? i guess it depends on several factors (ceteris paribus, lalo na ang factor na di ka sana napuruhan dun sa binatong hollow block):

a.) malapit ka ba sa panaderia
b.) masarap ba yung tinapay? (sayang eh... a tasty tinapay is hard to come by lalo na paglibre)
c.) singtigas ba ng bato ang tinapay (if yes, kebs na, proceed with the throwing...)
d.) mabilis ka bang umilag at tumakbo (importante to, mahal ang mag pa ospital).

hindi ko alam kung bakit ganito ako mag isip. hindi naman ako pinalaki ng ganito ng mama ko. hay... bakit ang hirap magpakabait sa panahon na'to.

tulad ng... bakit hindi ko makumbinsi ang sarili ko na magsimba. ang lagi kong binibigay na rason sa aking tita ay ang panget magsermon ng mga pari dito sa naga. hahaha! turuan ba magsermon ang pari. pero hindi ako matamaan. o kung matamaan man hindi ito sapat para ako ay tumakbo at magbalik sa simbahan. sabihin na natin na para pa rin akong naglalakad sa buwan.

hindi naman sa tinalikuran ko na at hindi ako naniniwala sa Dios, may lq lang kami. disillusioned lang ako - parang magdalo. pero hindi naman ako mag aalsa o magku coup d'etat. i'm just thinking out loud.

on the upside, kung matatawag man itong as such, buti na rin lang siguro at ito ang kinalakihan ko na relihiyon. dahil kung ako ay napunta sa iba, baka matagal na akong itinumba. kahit papano nagpapasalamat pa rin ako at nagkaroon ng Vatican II.

hindi ko mawari kung kelan nagsimula... at kung sinong ahas ang nagbigay sakin ng mansanas na nagmulat sakin sa mga tunay na realidad. the death of innocence heralds the birth of a cynic. siguro ganun talaga. hindi rin ganun kataas ang pagtingin ko sa mga pari (pulis at kung sinu sino pang nakaluklok diyan sa taas). para na rin kasing mga politico kung umasta. halos wala na akong makitang pagkakaiba.

habang tumatagal ako dito sa mundo, mas lumalawak ang pagkadismaya ko.

bakit ang simpleng maniwala sa milagro nung bata pa ako? sana nanatili na lamang akong bata at hindi na lang ako lumaki, para hindi na nasira ang tiwala ko sa tao. lalo na sa mga taong akala ko ay kakampi ko. ang hirap makakuha ng kakampi dito sa mundo. kahit kapamilya mo pwedeng magbago. pano pa kaya ang ibang tao na hindi mo kaano ano? hindi ka pa nga nakatalikod ng todo, inuulan na ng saksak ang likod mo.

mahirap magpakabait... dahil ang daming nang aabuso. at bakit din halos lahat ng mababait ang mga unang kinukuha ni Lord no? unfair! kaya siguro di ko makuhang magpakabait. medyo over the top ang incentive. ang dami tuloy nagliliparang masamang damo kasi high na lahat ng kabayo...

Eto pa, kaninang tanghali habang sinasabayan kong lumamon ang pinsan ko, naisip ko rin na...

It's easier to gain weight than gain money. Pero... it's easier to lose money than to lose weight! Takte namang buhay to.........



The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis. - Dante Alighieri
(lagot!)

Food is the most primitive form of comfort.

i need one of these right here. Right now.

(Bigg's All Day American Breakfast 1: sausages, hash browns, bacon and fried rice w/ free coffee)

i wouldn't mind getting this one the next day...

(Bigg's All Day American Breakfast 2: sausages, egg, bacon and fried rice w/ free coffee)

and if there's still space down there, i might have one of these... i wouldn't mind getting a couple more...

(oreo cheesecake)

(this is where i've been 'saving' my money recently and the one to blame for all these excess weight)




Part of the secret of success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside. - Mark Twain

It's really too bad a lot of crumby stuff is a lot of fun sometimes. - J. D. Salinger

after my semi-retirement from all things stressful, i devoured tv shows like i would devour chocolates and pastas. my studio type apartment has a television but it doesn't work. the picture tube or whatever they call it does not spout pictures until it's warm enough which can take as long as 20 to 30 minutes (sometimes longer depending on the strength of the gravitational pull of moon). i got tired of just watching static and listening to disembodied voices so i stopped using it after watching, excuse me listening to 30 minutes or so of kris aquino's movie fengshui. well let me tell you it's a helluva way of scaring yourself to death. so for nearly five years, i watched tv shows and movies through other people's television. i saved a lot on electiricity too.

when one of my college friends (who is another tintin so let's call her by her other nickname, puds, to distingished her from the 5 other tintin's in my life) came home briefly to naga, we traded stories about tv shows we watched when we're not busy looking for a job (we were both unemployed during that time). puds is a huge movie buff and i'm not. i was embarassed to admit that the last movie i watched was the Ring; and it was not until jade dragged me and my brother to edsa shangri-la to watch one of the movies showing in the 2007 japanese film festival that i managed to step inside a movie theater again. i was feeling low at that time because my mom just passed away from breast cancer just a few months ago. but by some twisted fate the movie that we watched (inochi) was about a guy who died of lung cancer. after that i never entered another movie theater again until my brother and i got dragged by my cheatmates at the PHP & MYSQL class i attended in UP diliman to watching Kung Fu Panda. it was hilarious. it was the only time i've gone into a movie theater in 2008. oh wait, that's not true, my sister dragged me (yeah i got dragged a lot) into watching madagascar 2 which was not as funny as the first. i wished we watched daniel craig instead in james bond's quantum of solace. he's hot.

during my two months of unencumbered tv bliss, i watched a lot of geeky shows from discovery channel and national geographic. (geeky shows abound!) i didn't think i'd enjoy animal planet but i did so i watched that too and several other channels about food. so maybe that's where all my excess weight came from.

there are so many shows to choose from but i had a lot of time on my hands then. first off let's start with one of my all time favorite, Don't Tell My Mother. it's hosted by diego buñuel. he's very witty, funny, persistent and his sarcasm will make you grin. i think at one episode i heard him say he was french.

he's been to some hostile countries like afghanistan, congo and the holy land. the most menorable episode for me is the don't tell my mother i'm in North Korea. after watching this episode i remember thinking that if that's how communism is, i hope to god this country i live in never end up in the hands of the reds. i know my country has some flaws like any other place in the world but after watching this show, it made me feel better i live here. duh... who would've ever thought i'd still feel that way considering the fertilizer scam etc.

from tour guides to the ordinary people who were interviewed they sometimes sound like robots with their ready answers. it's obvious they have memorised and rehearsed them a lot of times. it's unbelievable, i thought this things are only the stuff of movies. one memorable scene was the visit to the ostrich farm where he asked his guides about gays and aids in korea. the first one isn't legal and the second is non existent in that country. one of his guides on the farm had a very funny expression on his face when diego was describing what a gay or a bisexual man or woman is. in the end you can hear him say, who would have thought you could earn so much by just feeding ostrich?

i've seen other shows featuring the north and you would find most journalists mention that the north is trying to cover up a lot of stuff. you would find buildings with beautifully painted facades but if you go inside them or look at them from you hotel room window, the insides are very different.

this week is shark week on discovery channel. most of the shows will feature lots and lots of sharks. sometimes i can't help but think the guys on these shows must be lunatics to tempt sharks like that. better them than me i guess. i hope they have good insurance policies.

so in deference to shark week mythbusters is also all about shark this week. wait till the part when you see grant screaming in the water when a shark brushed by his legs. poor guy.

memorable episode for me was when corey was water skiing and being towed by a cruise ship. but most of the dangerous stunts are performed by their dummy, buster. one more thing they like to do in this show is blow things up from water heater to real explosives. the results from the experiments and tests they made on the show are documented at mythbusters results.

and another show on my geek list is national geographic's i didn't know that. this is hosted by two funny english blokes rich and jonny. they've got great humor and you can't help but laugh with them as they go through their experiments.

there are shows you never get tired of watching and this is one of them. they discover how the ordinary and usual things we use are made of and how. they like to blow things up too and jonny is known to even take them apart just to find out what the inside looks like.

and then there's dirty jobs with mike rowe. this show is even more Hilarious than the others. as the title says it features all the dirty jobs there are. watch the promotional video below to find out for yourself.

all you got to do is get yourself a dirty job.

one of the shows on my non geek list is bondi rescue from the natgeo adventure channel. it's shown on thursdays. although lately i've been watching the re runs a lot. but i heard the new season's episode started this week.

it's like watching baywatch but only better. after all this is the real thing. real lifeguards. real rescues and real drowning people. i don't really have to say that some of the lifeguards are hot. drowning is no fun but i wouldn't mind being rescued by one of these guys. they've also got some real amusing names. hmm... if i start matching the names to the faces, i have to stop. it's too much.

if i enumerate all my favorite shows, this will even be longer. there is a cool new show hosted by emmauel belliveau, world's greenest homes. i hate bugs but after watching the episode about butterflies in bugging with ruud i became a convert of that show (but i still hate bugs). i also watch jeff corwin's show because it can be fun expecially when he's being chased by the very animals he's filming (and then you'd hear him say, the thing's i'd do for you guys). then there's extreme engineering with danny forster; monster moves which always amazes me and a bunch of other features like stephen hawking's theory of everything which made my nose bleed -but very cool anyway. then there was that feature on norway's fjords. it was amazing to know what can be found down there.

to cap this off, i'm posting my favorite promotional video ever. (i love the whole world and all it's craziness boom tiyaya boom tiyaya). i even downloaded it on my phone and it plays every time my sister calls me =_) it's so cool. i wish she would call all the time. i even have the lyrics down to a phat.

One of the few good things about modern times: If you die horribly on television, you will not have died in vain. You will have entertained us. - Kurt Vonnegut

The time that you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.- Bertrand Russell

it was lunch time. i was hungry and unfortunately... stuck in the office.

i was browsing through don and edel's website... and i felt even hungrier. i grabbed some photos instead. despite gaining more weight than i could lose (i'm too lazy to exercise) ever since i arrived in naga, i still want to eat that patatas from chocolate kiss. after getting a brain work out (which sometimes felt more like an electric shock to the brain) at our PHP & MYSQL class, we sit back, wonder what the heck the entire lesson was all about (thank goodness for having nice cheatmates - zai, don, gwen and popin - since without them i don't think i could have caught up, i'm not even sure i 'caught' up now that i think about it) and then gorge ourselves at this restaurant in UP known as chocolate kiss. the baked potato is bliss.

edel and jacques' birthday party at the rowdy house last September 2008 was one of the last parties i've attended before i went back. two memories stand out: car's awesome cocktails (we were drinking it like shipwrecked survivors who have never seen water or juice for a very long long time - and it's not even water or juice) and then there's mau getting wasted...

It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have no virtues. - Abraham Lincoln

Uncle Pepe's birthday celebration

i know it's way too late...

but happy birthday....

Everything happens to everybody sooner or later if there is time enough. - George Bernard Shaw

chillin' @ Sto. Domingo, Albay

Day 1 @ Costa Palmera Resort in Sto. Domingo, Albay (November 30, 2008)

after a couple of hours planning last saturday (Nov. 29), we finally made it to Costa Palmera Resort in Sto. Domingo, Albay. we've been planning to go there since last year but as plans go, nothing came out of it but a plan. so we've decided never to plan anything unless we're going the next day like we did this time. for some reason everytime she and i plan ahead (3 months or less), nothing comes out of it. it's nothing but a plan. but if we just decide to do something in the nick of time like this one, we ended up getting there. like our trip to baguio and this trip to sto. domingo. we didn't even know where in albay the resort was but good thing they have a website and we found out it's just in sto. domingo where my cousins live. about 5 to 10 minutes by tricycle. cool, we're on!

we 'planned' over yahoo messenger for a couple of hours and then we decided to meet tomorrow at 8am to go to legazpi. but we didn't get to leave at the designated time, instead we left maybe 3 hours later (again) hahaha! we took the aircon minibus and travelled for almost 3 hours because it has soooo may stops. When huge aircon buses were still in business it can only take 2 hours because there are no stops. don't ride the non aircon ones unless you want to arrive 6 to 8 hours later. seriously...

it's fortuitous that monday was a holiday and i have cousins living in sto. domingo. i immediately texted maida and she picked us up at the legazpi integrated terminal. she also texted us the order of the albay municipalities we're gonna passed through so we can let her know if we're near legazpi. so it's polangui, ligao, guinobatan ( i love passing through this place, lots of green hills and trees), camalig (where you can find the cagsawa ruins), daraga and finally legazpi. from the terminal we took a tricycle to gaisano pacific mall to buy the food we're gonna take to the resort. tricycle is minimum fare, P8 pesos only. from gaisano we took a jeep to sto. domingo, P20 pesos. it takes about 15 minutes to get there. we passed through the barangay that was washed out by mudflows from the mayon volcano during typhoon reming. we didn't know it was the 2nd year anniversary of the tragedy. there was a mass being held at a small chapel which is prolly one of the very few buildings in the area. i think it was built recently since it was open, no doors. there were some people who attended the service. the lady sitting next to abby was telling her the story and it creeped abby out. love told me not to take pictures because something might appear there. i didn't while we were on our way there but as we were going home (dec 1), i took some photos of the place. it's mostly rock and sand. it's now like a big quarrying site. the houses are all gone. it was very eerie. i'd hate to pass through that place at night. my cousin who drives a jeep there just smiles when we asked him before if the place is really spooky (since we've never been there). now we understand. it's a very sad place. nearly an entire barangay was wiped out and some families were actually wiped out. tragic. makes the hair at the back of my neck rise.

when we arrived at my cousin's house, auntie muying and uncle gil made us baduya (fried banana, i ate 9 of them, poor bananas never stood a chance) and fried sweet potatoes (my favorite! camote). after eating, we left their house at about 4:15 and took a tricycle to costa palmera for P50 pesos (there were 5 of us). the ride took 5 -10 minutes only. no traffic =_)

after checking out the place, we change to our swim clothes and swam until our skin shrivelled like raisins and we can taste nothing but sea water. we spent most of the time at the pool since (heck!) the waves were darn strong. even sitting on the edge of the stairs (yes 3 small stairs to go down to the beach) and holding onto the ropes is darned dangerous. current was very strong it can drag you very very far away (no matter how big or heavy you are). we arrived just when the tide was just rising and it was fun to watch the water fill up the small enclosure (about an arm's length wide). as the it gets darker and darker, the enclosure gets filled with sea water until it reaches our waist. the current was strong even the waters in the enclosure was frothy as they collide with each other. we swam in the pool just in case a baby shark managed to get in there, you'll never know. meanwhile the water level in the pool also rises and we can hear the sea roaring since it's now just outside the pool. whoever thought of this idea, kudos to you man. very very cool. we didn't leave the water until it was very very late, i think it was past 8 pm already. we ate some gulay (laing, yum...) which was cooked by auntie, and ordered crispy pata, and fried shrimps with rice from the resort's restaurant. the food is good. it was a very very hearty meal. (good luck sa puso dahil sa crispy pata), after eating we took a walk and sat looking for some stars. we didn't see them until we were about to go to bed. it rained that night but we didn't notice until we saw puddles of water outside in the morning since we were so tired we slept the sleep of the dead.

Day 2 @ Costa Palmera Resort in Sto. Domingo, Albay (December 1, 2008)

we missed the sunrise because we woke up late (past 6am). after eating our breakfast of bread and chips, we headed down to the pool and the beach. we took some photos and swam until 9:30 am. the current was not as strong as yesterday. it was already low tide but we still didn't venture out to the deep. my cousin, maying who's the tallest of the 5 of us, tried to go down the metal ladder. she's already under the water from head to foot but she can't touch bottom yet. so we decided to just wade beside the sea wall. we sometimes don life jackets too just to be safe and besides it looks good in the pictures. we made some little friends. their familia owns the resort. they live upstairs. 4 siblings, one little girl whom we only know as ate. the oldest is of course, kuya. the two young and very very makukulit kids are daniel (aka dane) and the youngest is xander. nice names. dane is the most personable of the lot. when we left love at the pool she was single (pun intended) and when we get back (from swimming at the beach), she was suddenly nanay to 4 kids hahaha =) so i took their pictures while the kids trade stories with love and my cousins since apparently they're always there. we hope we can come back again next year. hopefully shobe and shoty can come too... we'll see.

before we went home, we passed through the church of Sto. Domingo. it's very picturesque, very lovely and well preserved. we didn't enter the church since it seemed to be closed but we found the priest outside with some men and mending some nets. i'm not sure if he's going fishing =) we said goodbye to maida and maying and boarded a jeep to legazpi. we passed through the eerie place again and i took some pictures of the place. imagine being buried by tons and tons of mud and sand. the rocks are so huge, you can only imagine how strong the force was that took them down from the slopes of mt. mayon. i've taken a look at the pictures and so far no faces that shouldn't be there just live ones. thank god =)

love shopped some for boom2 (that's judoy's latest name, don't ask why) and ate at graceland. good foresight since we arrived in naga 4 hours later! damned minibus stopped at every place he could find to park! they played a dvd of 2 west life concerts the entire trip. short of jumping off the bus, it's good thing i have my headphones. it's not like i hate boy bands but sitting through 4 hours of it is pure torture!

and now i am back in naga again. wednesday, i go back to work. more research. but i thank st. ignatius of loyola for one more day of reprieve. ad majorem dei gloriam!

Amen =_)

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow. - Evan Esar