=_)
Question:
Can love really last a last time?
Answer:
Absolutely – but only if you chuck the fairytale of living happily ever after. A team of scientists recently found that romantic love involves chemical changes in the brain that last 12 to 18 months. After that, you and your partner are on your own.
Relationships require maintenance. Meaning, it's both your choice.
Bottom line: IT WILL LAST, if you know how to commit.
Source: Reader's Digest May 2006
***
a friend of mine sent this via sms. but you can read the rest here
love and be lovable psyche =)
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
Saturday, September 29, 2007
All the world's a stage and most of us are desperately unrehearsed. - Sean O'Casey
know you don't want to listen
but let me tell you anyway:
everyone is not what they seem
guard your heart
when you love
save a little something for yourself
if it's not for you let it go
choose your friends carefully
they say old sins have long shadows;
so avoid doing something you will regret in the future
learn to say NO
success is not worth it if you will work yourself sick to get there
keep your promise
even if everyone breaks theirs
nothing 's wrong with waiting;
if you're waiting for something that's worthwhile
when you say you understand
mean it
when you say you love
do it
and yes life is indeed short
so live and be merry
and in everything you do
make sure it makes you happy
no regrets
zhu ni shengri kuaile shobe
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball
but let me tell you anyway:
everyone is not what they seem
guard your heart
when you love
save a little something for yourself
if it's not for you let it go
choose your friends carefully
they say old sins have long shadows;
so avoid doing something you will regret in the future
learn to say NO
success is not worth it if you will work yourself sick to get there
keep your promise
even if everyone breaks theirs
nothing 's wrong with waiting;
if you're waiting for something that's worthwhile
when you say you understand
mean it
when you say you love
do it
and yes life is indeed short
so live and be merry
and in everything you do
make sure it makes you happy
no regrets
zhu ni shengri kuaile shobe
The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. - Lucille Ball
Friday, September 28, 2007
promises, promises
i have to admit, going to mass really puts me to sleep these days. more often than not the reason i am in attendance is to lessen the mortal sins i have commited or i'm about to commit (hala!) so if God decides to end the world today, i have an idea of where my poor soul is headed...
but several weeks ago, my hermano and i heard mass at greenbelt. the priest's name was Fr. Nolan. he's not the principal but he's working for one of the chinese schools here in manila. he's chinese; and well you wont mistake him for anything else if you check his looks and accent. but what he said woke me up from my stupor. normally sermons have a way of lulling me to sleep especially if i just came from working the graveyard shift.
he told a story of a little girl whom he heard asking God to remind her father to keep his promise. apparently the father made a promise a long time ago to visit them but he didn't keep it. the priest learned later on that the father had another family.
he said that adults these days don't know how to keep their promises. (talk about deteriorating moral values.) but it's because adults don't keep their promises that so many children suffer in this world today. if married people keep the promises they made when they agreed to marry, there would be no little girls suffering the way that little girl did. these days people just don't put too much importance on keeping the vows they've made. it's what we teach these little children. it's what they see and thus we perpetuate this kind of suffering.
i wish that in real life, there is such thing as ceteris paribus. if all other things will remain constant, maybe there's a greater chance of keeping a promise. it's so easy to make promises but keeping them can be such a struggle. people change. they change even more when put in desperate situations .. and sadly even our perceptions on morality.
Underpromise; overdeliver. - Tom Peters, in The Chicago Tribune
but several weeks ago, my hermano and i heard mass at greenbelt. the priest's name was Fr. Nolan. he's not the principal but he's working for one of the chinese schools here in manila. he's chinese; and well you wont mistake him for anything else if you check his looks and accent. but what he said woke me up from my stupor. normally sermons have a way of lulling me to sleep especially if i just came from working the graveyard shift.
he told a story of a little girl whom he heard asking God to remind her father to keep his promise. apparently the father made a promise a long time ago to visit them but he didn't keep it. the priest learned later on that the father had another family.
he said that adults these days don't know how to keep their promises. (talk about deteriorating moral values.) but it's because adults don't keep their promises that so many children suffer in this world today. if married people keep the promises they made when they agreed to marry, there would be no little girls suffering the way that little girl did. these days people just don't put too much importance on keeping the vows they've made. it's what we teach these little children. it's what they see and thus we perpetuate this kind of suffering.
i wish that in real life, there is such thing as ceteris paribus. if all other things will remain constant, maybe there's a greater chance of keeping a promise. it's so easy to make promises but keeping them can be such a struggle. people change. they change even more when put in desperate situations .. and sadly even our perceptions on morality.
Underpromise; overdeliver. - Tom Peters, in The Chicago Tribune
Friday, September 7, 2007
the plate didn't just break, it shattered.
shattered into irreparably smaller pieces. blatantly telling me i can never make it whole again. no glue or epoxy would ever make it whole again. the shards were behind me, in front of me, beneath my bare feet as i stepped over it. i winced at the sharp jabs but my feet did not bleed. i stared at the food that now mixed with the broken pieces of the plate. that too is wasted.
i could almost hear the displeasure in my mother's voice. i felt her heart break. i was asking for a sign and this was it. and i thought correll plates don't break easily.
i'm not keeping it together mom. i don't know how. i told you when i dreamt of you last night. hindi ko na kaya Mama. you hugged me and then i woke up crying again. you were standing in my kitchen where i broke the plate. there was a praying mantis and i remember telling it: diwit, diwit hain ang langit? sana marahay si mama. you said you never wanted to leave. you never asked for this... i know. it's just so hard... you not being here.
the past and present collide in my dreams. last august 14 i woke up disoriented. i thought i was in our old apartment in naga. i dreamt we were there - you, me and jack. you didn't pay any attention to the two of us. you just walked into the house. i remember telling jack in my dream, Mama's here. but we know you're dead. we called out to you but you ignored us. and then i woke up. confused. i thought i was in naga. lying in our old cot in the sala. i thought it was you standing in front of me but then it dawned on me i am in manila and you're dead. it was the mirror with the bathrobe thrown over it being blown by the fan. it was still dark outside but i couldn't sleep again.
it's been 3 months since you've been gone and i can't seem to stop the counting the hours, the days the weeks, the months...
then last august 18 i was back in that dream. in the old apartment. i was wearing clothes you bought for me, the maroon spaghetti top and the black shorts. funny how i can recall these things. but in that dream i was the one dying because i took a pill that would slowly kill me. some sort of experiment that had irreversible consequences. you walked into the house and you said, " You look so happy. You must really want to die." And suddenly i know i didn't want to because i don't want to leave you. i hugged you and i cried. i don't want to die.
it was past 3 in the afternoon and i woke up crying. i remember the last time i cried like that in your arms. it was on your hospital bed. the first time you were brought to the hospital. it was january. it was right after i saw the bruises and the needle marks. after the nurse that took your blood pressure and checked the dextrose had left. i remember climbing into bed with you and i just cried. cried on your shoulder. i have never felt so helpless in my life. i was trying to hold on to you but you were slowly slipping away. you were telling me to take care of papa, of jack and shoty. and i didn't want to listen to you talking like that because i don't want you die yet. you told me that there's nothing that we can do about it. sabi mo hanggang dito na lang talaga. you sounded so tired but i know you held on because of us.
i know what you were trying to tell me in these dreams. it's just hard. not being able to see you or touch you ever again. nothing is ever the same Mama.
i can't hold them together anymore.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
---
I Will Remember You
Sarah McLachlan
shattered into irreparably smaller pieces. blatantly telling me i can never make it whole again. no glue or epoxy would ever make it whole again. the shards were behind me, in front of me, beneath my bare feet as i stepped over it. i winced at the sharp jabs but my feet did not bleed. i stared at the food that now mixed with the broken pieces of the plate. that too is wasted.
i could almost hear the displeasure in my mother's voice. i felt her heart break. i was asking for a sign and this was it. and i thought correll plates don't break easily.
i'm not keeping it together mom. i don't know how. i told you when i dreamt of you last night. hindi ko na kaya Mama. you hugged me and then i woke up crying again. you were standing in my kitchen where i broke the plate. there was a praying mantis and i remember telling it: diwit, diwit hain ang langit? sana marahay si mama. you said you never wanted to leave. you never asked for this... i know. it's just so hard... you not being here.
the past and present collide in my dreams. last august 14 i woke up disoriented. i thought i was in our old apartment in naga. i dreamt we were there - you, me and jack. you didn't pay any attention to the two of us. you just walked into the house. i remember telling jack in my dream, Mama's here. but we know you're dead. we called out to you but you ignored us. and then i woke up. confused. i thought i was in naga. lying in our old cot in the sala. i thought it was you standing in front of me but then it dawned on me i am in manila and you're dead. it was the mirror with the bathrobe thrown over it being blown by the fan. it was still dark outside but i couldn't sleep again.
it's been 3 months since you've been gone and i can't seem to stop the counting the hours, the days the weeks, the months...
then last august 18 i was back in that dream. in the old apartment. i was wearing clothes you bought for me, the maroon spaghetti top and the black shorts. funny how i can recall these things. but in that dream i was the one dying because i took a pill that would slowly kill me. some sort of experiment that had irreversible consequences. you walked into the house and you said, " You look so happy. You must really want to die." And suddenly i know i didn't want to because i don't want to leave you. i hugged you and i cried. i don't want to die.
it was past 3 in the afternoon and i woke up crying. i remember the last time i cried like that in your arms. it was on your hospital bed. the first time you were brought to the hospital. it was january. it was right after i saw the bruises and the needle marks. after the nurse that took your blood pressure and checked the dextrose had left. i remember climbing into bed with you and i just cried. cried on your shoulder. i have never felt so helpless in my life. i was trying to hold on to you but you were slowly slipping away. you were telling me to take care of papa, of jack and shoty. and i didn't want to listen to you talking like that because i don't want you die yet. you told me that there's nothing that we can do about it. sabi mo hanggang dito na lang talaga. you sounded so tired but i know you held on because of us.
i know what you were trying to tell me in these dreams. it's just hard. not being able to see you or touch you ever again. nothing is ever the same Mama.
i can't hold them together anymore.
Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one
I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
I'm so tired but I can't sleep
Standin' on the edge of something much too deep
It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard
But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don't let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories
---
I Will Remember You
Sarah McLachlan
Friday, August 31, 2007
i go to sleep with a promise to wake up early. go to work early...for once.
but well, like they say... the road to hell is paved with good intentions. and the hell it is.
i wake up not wanting to open my eyes. soo tired and feeling lazier than i've ever been in god knows how long. feeling i don't want to do this anymore. should not even be doing this anymore. not understanding what in the world made me retract. next time i should just shoot myself in the foot.
it's just not worth it anymore.
but then the doubts. (like i said i should've shoot myself). me and my indecision. why didn't i stick to my first decision. even playing the stone is not worth all this trouble right? right... (bang...just shot my pinky i think.)
ok i miss. good thing i'm such a terrible shot...crap why do i have to be responsible for everyone. i want to be bad for once. maybe if i fail then i wouldn't burden me with all these things. i wish everyone would just get off my back for once. leave me alone. i just want to grieve ok...ever heard of it. grief. therefore grieve. leave me alone.
What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? - Irv Kupcinet
but well, like they say... the road to hell is paved with good intentions. and the hell it is.
i wake up not wanting to open my eyes. soo tired and feeling lazier than i've ever been in god knows how long. feeling i don't want to do this anymore. should not even be doing this anymore. not understanding what in the world made me retract. next time i should just shoot myself in the foot.
it's just not worth it anymore.
but then the doubts. (like i said i should've shoot myself). me and my indecision. why didn't i stick to my first decision. even playing the stone is not worth all this trouble right? right... (bang...just shot my pinky i think.)
ok i miss. good thing i'm such a terrible shot...crap why do i have to be responsible for everyone. i want to be bad for once. maybe if i fail then i wouldn't burden me with all these things. i wish everyone would just get off my back for once. leave me alone. i just want to grieve ok...ever heard of it. grief. therefore grieve. leave me alone.
What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? - Irv Kupcinet
Monday, August 27, 2007
ßeta
woke up one sunny day and wondered just where did all my friends go? you ever wondered that? like the friends you've met when you were a wee tot in kindergarten. then when you were in elementary. when you were in highschool. and then the University. and now where the heck is everybody?
of course you have those ßeta friendship? like a test sort of friendship as if testing the waters...whether you'll mesh together. and when you don't...well good riddance.
The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. - Joan Baez
of course you have those ßeta friendship? like a test sort of friendship as if testing the waters...whether you'll mesh together. and when you don't...well good riddance.
and then you have friends who stab you at the back. wonder why you put up with them. you wonder how you became friends with these people... you wish you had enough foresight to avoid them but well you didn't... too bad. people who back stab you and claim they are your friends are those kind of friends who just didn't have the guts enough to tell you face to face what's wrong. life is too short to waste precious time on such people but i put up with them anyway. why? for harmony. ironic, isn't it?
(this passive - aggressive behavior will do me in one day. but i like to say i'm non confrontational. ) but then there comes a time when i just can't stand it anymore and i wish for the day when i can say hasta la vista, baby! for now, i just grit my teeth...err grin and bear it.
so ok, you say you have friends. and you say you keep in touch via email (those forwarded- sometimes-impersonal-messages that's just a little below spam level - because they came from your friends) and those funny-and-sometimes-corny sms. you barely see them except in friendster, myspace or multiply (i have 2 out of 3... not bad whatcha think?) all these things just remind me of the distance and length of time we've all been apart. i'm lousy at getting in touch myself. so there...my bad...
i forget birthdays sometimes even with all those reminders. blame the snooze thing on my cellphone. easiest way to lose some friends but those who really stick with you put up with you anyway...and a good thing too. otherwise you're left with no one. but then they forget your birthday too...so touché!
and when i think of some names, they are...just...memories...dust.. and so i wonder where they are now. where did the friendship go? all those hours you spent yakking about just everything and nothing really on the phone. those vows to keep in touch. write and so on and so forth. if they keep their bargain...there's my guilt. and when they didn't but i did...what the feck happened?
friendship i guess is like any relationships...some are bound to fail. you drift apart. sometimes you have to. you get pulled into a different direction. new life. new people to gt used to. old friendships falter and then die because it takes more than one to make it work. if no one makes the effort it will never amount to anything else. so you just shrug your shoulders and say sayang.
yeah well shit happens. i'm wondering how many of those i have ended like that. hmmm...
as you grow older (oh my...) and so do they. then i suppose friendships are suppose to evolve too. but at this time i'm not sure how mine is evolving. i'm a terrible gardener so if friendship is like a plant that has to be constantly tended and watered...suffice to say mine is in extreme danger of drying up. badly in need of fertilizer, some sun and fresh air.
i'm just a little tired of saying goodbye...
The easiest kind of relationship for me is with ten thousand people. The hardest is with one. - Joan Baez
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
end of the rope
i told the guy who answered the phone that i won't be reporting for work because of a migraine. well i do have a headache. i just found myself crying last saturday and i couldn't seem to stop.
i watched the japanese film fest with jade and my brother last 22nd. "inochi" i don't know what the title meant. japanese drama. but i was more used to watching anime. a pregnant woman who wanted to abort the child whose ex-boyfriend was dying of lung and liver cancer. a very odd thing, she felt a connection between the child and the cancer that's slowly killing the guy.
it probably brought on that bout of melancholia last saturday that i haven't been able to shake off this week. i remember thinking that my mom never lost her hair. she never got chemo. she lived for approximately 1 year, 1 month and 13 days from the time she was diagnosed. she got so thin. the ex-boyfriend doesn't look as emaciated as my mom. she lost her ability to walk. the ex-boyfriend can still stand and walk on his own. her cancer moved on to her lungs. the ex-boyfriend's cancer moved up his esophagus until he couldn't eat. in the end he died because he couldn't eat anymore. in the end my mom died because she couldn't breathe anymore not even with the ventilator. in the end my mom died because she couldn't eat anymore because of the ventilator. if we fed her she might only choke. but she died anyway.
the day after my mom died, the movies ( pirated dvd)'s -> looks like ) shown on the bus my sister and i boarded on to bicol were all about death. white noise and other tear jerkers i don't know what their titles were. i forced myself to sleep and wished the bus would more faster. but it didn't. it's always late and we're too late. nothing ever goes right just when you needed everything to go right.
anything that can go wrong will go wrong. murphy's law.
and everything's wrong.
i'm sad.
how does one go about being happy when there are too many dark clouds?
my brother sent me an sms last thursday. how depressing it is living in his boarding house. he couldn't stop thinking about Mama. so i didn't go home immediately after my shift. i stayed until 5pm. until i'm sure the only thing left to do when i get home is sleep. because i don't want to think. i don' want to miss my mom. i don't want to cry myself to sleep. the way i've been doing these past few weeks.
i washed my laundry on friday. to soak my blues away but they're more like permanent stains. i'm still not over my blackmood on saturday. i cried until my head aches and my eyes were too puffy and i couldn't see anything clearly. and then i called FD and told them i had a migraine. then i laid in bed and cried myself to sleep. when i woke up on sunday i decided i really should resign.
i don't feel like working anymore. i have lost the drive. i have endured doing this job for so long because i had a reason to. but now i have no reason to stay but so many reasons to leave.
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - JD Salinger
i watched the japanese film fest with jade and my brother last 22nd. "inochi" i don't know what the title meant. japanese drama. but i was more used to watching anime. a pregnant woman who wanted to abort the child whose ex-boyfriend was dying of lung and liver cancer. a very odd thing, she felt a connection between the child and the cancer that's slowly killing the guy.
it probably brought on that bout of melancholia last saturday that i haven't been able to shake off this week. i remember thinking that my mom never lost her hair. she never got chemo. she lived for approximately 1 year, 1 month and 13 days from the time she was diagnosed. she got so thin. the ex-boyfriend doesn't look as emaciated as my mom. she lost her ability to walk. the ex-boyfriend can still stand and walk on his own. her cancer moved on to her lungs. the ex-boyfriend's cancer moved up his esophagus until he couldn't eat. in the end he died because he couldn't eat anymore. in the end my mom died because she couldn't breathe anymore not even with the ventilator. in the end my mom died because she couldn't eat anymore because of the ventilator. if we fed her she might only choke. but she died anyway.
the day after my mom died, the movies ( pirated dvd)'s -> looks like ) shown on the bus my sister and i boarded on to bicol were all about death. white noise and other tear jerkers i don't know what their titles were. i forced myself to sleep and wished the bus would more faster. but it didn't. it's always late and we're too late. nothing ever goes right just when you needed everything to go right.
anything that can go wrong will go wrong. murphy's law.
and everything's wrong.
i'm sad.
how does one go about being happy when there are too many dark clouds?
my brother sent me an sms last thursday. how depressing it is living in his boarding house. he couldn't stop thinking about Mama. so i didn't go home immediately after my shift. i stayed until 5pm. until i'm sure the only thing left to do when i get home is sleep. because i don't want to think. i don' want to miss my mom. i don't want to cry myself to sleep. the way i've been doing these past few weeks.
i washed my laundry on friday. to soak my blues away but they're more like permanent stains. i'm still not over my blackmood on saturday. i cried until my head aches and my eyes were too puffy and i couldn't see anything clearly. and then i called FD and told them i had a migraine. then i laid in bed and cried myself to sleep. when i woke up on sunday i decided i really should resign.
i don't feel like working anymore. i have lost the drive. i have endured doing this job for so long because i had a reason to. but now i have no reason to stay but so many reasons to leave.
I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy. - JD Salinger
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