when is a villain not a villain?

from all of Batman's nemesis, i like the Riddler best. the joker is such a pain in the bat's behind but i never felt sorry for him. the riddler at least makes his victims think. i feel a little sorry for him and the episode i just watched is one of the most memorable ones featuring this villain. even the bat sympathized with him.

in the 2005 Batman series, he got a new look. he now reminds me of orochimaru.

in this episode (Riddler's Revenge), Batman got stuck inside a cargo container with the Riddler at the deepest part of Gotham Bay. robin is in school and had ran out of plausible excuses to get out of class and so rescue was put on hold until he could find an excuse his teacher would believe.

the riddler was pursuing his arch nemesis, gorman, who he believed sabotaged his invention. Gorman was a businessman who had been trying to get eddie (the riddler) to sell him the rights to the device he invented.

as the story goes, batman rescued gorman from the riddler but the ingrate detonated the bomb on the ship and left. the two got stuck inside the cargo container which sunk to the bottom of the bay because it was held down by a steel beam that sunk with it when the ship exploded. radio transmission according to the bat was impossible since they seem to have landed at the deepest part of the bay.

running out of oxygen and trying to find a way to get the container to float back to the surface, the riddler gave batman a riddle. "what's at the beginning that can also be found at the end?" and with that riddle came tumbling out the riddler's story.

at the beginning.
as eddie, he was working on the device with julie (also supposedly the riddler's amour) at the university lab. the device is suppose to improve one's memory. at the unveiling of the device, the university president was their lab rat. the device worked in a way but it also injured the university president. and so poor eddie got fired and he blamed gorman. he thought gorman had sabotaged it because the device worked before without any terrible consequences. that incident, according to the riddler is the turning point that made him become the riddler.

the first encounter the bat had with the riddler was when he saved gorman from his own house. according to the riddler, it was his first attempt at interior decorating. he redecorated gorman's house with his puzzles.

riddle me this and riddle me that. these are some of the riddles on the story. "what is an 11 letter word that everyone pronounces incorrectly?" And he has a funny way of giving his victims directions.

"what is 4 + no. 5? "

gorman got rich from the memory device. the riddler waited until he had accumulated so much so that he would have so much to lose when he finally serves his revenge. the revenge backfired and now they're underwater.

menwhile in an act of desperation, robin swallowed his science lab partner's experiment of soup mixed with god knows what. since their teacher won't taste it. it made him so sick that their teacher finally allowed him to go home.

at the end.
water had started to pour into the cargo container. the bat was trying to dislodge the beam that was holding down the container. the riddler won't help. but being batman, he made riddler realized he's been pursuing the wrong culprit. with the riddler's help, the bat managed to get the container to the surface. the riddler, realizing who had betrayed him knocked the bat down and pursued julie. batman would have been toast if robin had not arrived on time.

apparently, his lab partner was the one who sabotaged the device. she profited from the riddler's expulsion from the university since she thought him to be crazy. according to some bat logic, gorman is not a very technical person, so he could not have tampered the device. that makes julie the culprit. the riddler had been blinded by his love for her that he couldn't see clearly. **sigh*** love is blind eh?

the bat and the riddler met again at the at lab where batman foiled his plan again, this time from killing julie. the riddler was out cold from getting hit by a falling equipment. as robin was about to free julie from the ropes, he stopped robin and and told him to let the police handle it. the riddler had gained some sympathy from the bat himself. and he asked robin, "when is a villain not a villain?"

so what's the word everyone pronounces incorrectly? incorrectly, of course. so what direction are you going if you have 4 + no. 5? inverted, it would spell south.

i love riddles. =)

when is a door not a door? - the Riddler (Eddie Nygma)

saying goodbye to some of my favorite characters

This has been more like a month of goodbyes as much as beginnings.

Jiraiya-sama

After catching up on my Naruto readings, I still can't believe he's dead. Another akatsuki casualty. Some says he didn't really die. He fell into the water and who knows what could have happened? He might've survived.


And in real life where there can be no resurrections (OK so maybe until Judgment Day).

Heath Ledger
April 4, 1979 – January 22, 2008

Before i could even get my hands on my coffee, got a very early morning shock when I learned he passed away . It's so sad and unexpected. Requiescat in pace Heath.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. - Woody Allen

Burning Out and Up

got a new phone last friday and got a terrible cold and a fever the next day. lousy trade off.

i haven't been hit this hard for some time. the last time i got hit so bad was about a year ago. my mother was still alive to take care of me. i was sick for 5 days straight. it was also the first time i came to understand, 'nabinat.' i went home to naga for some 'time off' and to check on my mom; but she ended up taking care of me. the cold and my fever knocked me down cold for 5 days. so the only thing i ever did during that vacation was nurse a cold and a 39 degree celsius fever. my mother wanted to bring me to a hospital but i desisted. i hated going to hospitals unless i need to be operated on. i miss her when i'm sick like this. i miss the soup and her hand on my forehead.

i woke up last Saturday with a burning throat; like the devil just raked a fork through my throat. i thought of drinking a teaspoon of mouthwash, maybe it will kill all the germs and stop the cold but a little bit of sanity and self preservation stopped me.

my brother was sleeping over his friend's house in crame and couldn't go home until the next day. i was running low on paracetamol and ibufrofen. when my brother had dengue a few days before christmas, we brought him to makati med's emergency room. he had been taking bioflu as opposed to tempra forte (paracetamol). the doctor said that bioflu is not really that effective since it's not pure paracetamol. so it's best to take tempra forte or biogesic instead. and you can alternate with ibufrofen since it makes the fever break faster and get rid of the body pains. but i ran out of medicine around lunch and my fever returned in the afternoon. i can barely drag myself to the bathroom much less drag myself to the drugstore. it's hard being alone when you're sick.

so around 12 am or 1 am sunday, i decided to call in. asked myke for marcy's number and workforce or forcedesk (or whatever name they go by these days), since apparently the old number doesn't work anymore. called the number several times and got a recording. i'm supposed to get a reference number, otherwise my call in would be invalid. ncns (no call no show). texted myke no live person answers it, i keep getting the damned recording. finally at 2 am, left a message because i was too frustrated to keep trying to callback. i was freezing cold and my head felt like it's going to split into a thousand pieces, and holding the phone is torture when all i want to do is crawl under the sheet. my Php500 load was diminished to Php428. wasted money, that annoyed me too since my phone calls were pretty much useless since i didn't speak to anyone at all.

i woke up at around 3 am and called again. i got the recording... again. what really ticked me off was the recording seems to say "bawal magakasakit kapag weekend!" It says "forcedesk hours are mondays through fridays from 8am to 6.30am the following day." so goodluck na lang sa magkakasakit ng sabado at linggo. i left another message but i wanted to curse too. i wanted to say all the curses i've learned in my stay here at PS. i never really learned how to curse ng malutong until i started working here. that recording is the most insensitive thing you can do to someone who is calling in sick and who's told to wait for a live person to get a reference number.

kaya eto na:

putang ina nyo for keeping me awake when i should've been sleeping this off.
putang ina nyo when i should've been resting and not worrying about getting a fucking ncns.
putang ina nyo for making my headache worse.
putang ina nyo during the times i can hardly breathe that night.
putang ina nyo for making me redial that fucking number so many times and repeat the stupid message while i try to negotiate how to breathe with my clogged up nose.
putang ina nyo for wasting my money, my phone's load and my time.
putang ina nyo.

i haven't been so pissed with PS until that night and by the time i've texted marcy i was frustrated beyond words. i just don't care anymore. i kept thinking i should just really go and find another job where i can just call my boss or text my boss during daylight hours (and not at some godforsaken time of the day i.e. mangingisda hours) that i can't come in for work since i'm too sick to drag a cat.

sometimes i wonder why i still do this. it's not like the company shows any appreciation for staying. four years of toiling and then what? everyday has been a constant struggle to come to work. i've been dragging my limb everyday to come early and failed. i haven't arrived early since december 20. i have received warnings from verbal reprimand to written ones. i don't know how else to motivate me to come early when even money is beginning to lose it's luster.

i have not felt so much indifference since the early days after my mother's death and here i am again. it's so hard to shake it off this time. sometimes i think i should just see my ob gyne and not wait until may. have her remove the lumps and resign after the operation. why wait until it grows to 20 mm? so why wait until i've finally reached the end of the rope?

One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one's work is terribly important. - Bertrand Russell

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. - Part II

the other day i finally traded my powercard to a powercard plus. good thing jade needed a card holder because honestly, i've been trying my damn best to resist stepping into powerbooks ever since the cashier told me i only needed several hundred points for the upgrade. now i have 10% discount on all my cash purchases. but i still wilt everytime i think of the amount i spent this year for books (which lead to the upgrade)! damn

my sister found us in burger king, dining on burgers and onion rings, as well as taking advantage of their wi-fi access. they ganged up on me for my lack of uh better 'hinaharap.' some sister you are jack and some friend you are jade! FO na tayo! hmp!

did i say friday night traffic is a nightmare? well just add monday night traffic to my list of nightmares. as it is i was trying to hold the burger down. my stomach was threatening to revolt. just my luck the jeep also carried another passenger who was complaining for all the world to hear about the person who loaned her 5/6. according to the ate she paid all her dues already but the creditor insists that she still owes him P700. and as if that is not enough she also had an altercation with a cop who almost arrested her for being an illegal vendor. she nagged all the way from makati to libertad except when she noticed the heated PDA of the couple in front of me. the rest of us pretended not to notice but what is that extra hand doing under the sweater draped on the girl's lap? duh! i wish the guy would just put his hand inside the girl's shirt or get it over with already and put it in her skirt. maybe that would shock the ate into silence and it would cap my day.

i made it home without further incident. and continued with reading my book (the historian by elizabeth kostova). and when i reached the part when the character finally realized there is such thing as the undead. i stopped reading. i plan to read this slowly without rushing the pages. i didn't think another dracula story could scare me but this one is slowly building up my scare level. i stopped reading as soon as it gets too dark... i hope the end doesn't disappoint.

speaking of nightmares again (or more like stupidity), i accidentally deleted the contents of my inbox in outlook yesterday. i was trying to clean up my sent and deleted items folder since i couldn't send any mails out because my damned account is full. i didn't realize i was back in my inbox and not in my sent or deleted items folder. so when i press ctrl A, and shift delete. poof it went! and there goes all my precious stuff. i didn't archive since i don't have a permanent work station and the archive i have is ancient.

since pidge couldn't help me ( she tried to give me admin access so i could do a reg edit but well... it didn't work). i have an idea that if i log on to another pc that has my profile and import mesages into another mail program (such as OE), i just might be able to retrieved my messages even if i have deleted them. and i was ablet to retrieve a few of them that way but i'm still missing voer 200 more. ed says it stays on the exchange server for several weeks and there's a cache. s0 that gave me hope. we couldn't figure it out so i emailed my supe and left for the day. feeling stupider that i've had in years... geezzz!

i was able to retrieved all my deleted messages. thank godness for cache! the one thing that didn't occur to me yesterday was work offline after i log on using another pc. i did that today and imported the messages onto OE (marcy and i were trying to look for that synch link in outlook but couldn't find it). after importing the cached copies of my messages to OE, i imported it back to outlook. and voila, i'm back in the game.

all's well that end's well.




God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project. - Unknown

Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. - Will Rogers

my mother was making faces at me and i remember thinking, does she still remember me? i finally woke up to the 24th and tried not to think about what day it was. sadly i cannot recall what i did last year on the same day.

as i walked along paseo, already very late for my 5am shift, i couldn't stop the sobs that kept coming out of my mouth short of gagging myself. i tried to remember any memories of that day but i couldn't. all i could see was my mom on a wheelchair with an oxygen mask on her face. but it's all wrong. my mother stopped walking around january almost a day after we left again for manila. i still remember the despair on her voice when she told me on the phone. the more i tried to remember what i did on that day, the more it became elusive. the more frustrated i became. i wanted to call my sister and ask but that would be cruel. we're all trying not to think about what or who is missing that day.

i couldn't seem to say merry or happy christmas. i just said yeah to whoever said it to me. i wanted to go home early. close the door and sleep on it. i don't want to see my landlady and hear another merry greeting. this season is not kind to those who are trying to forget. the christmas cards i bought are all sitting on my table. unsent. apart from my name, the usual hello and goodbyes. i don't know what else to write.

as early as 3pm on christmas eve my neighbors were already warming up for their semi-finals night. or so it feels like to me. i was seriously beginning to hate magic sing. new years eve would be the finals night. i 'm sure.

as it turned out new year was the worst. i turned off my cellphone to stop the incessant ringing and wish i had something to stuff my ears with. i keep expecting a whistle bomb to go through my window. the noise didn't die down until about 4am. i don't know who won but my neighbors sang like there would be no more videoke nights in 2008.

new year was the worst. i tried to read a book to lull me to sleep but i picked up sugar daddy (lisa kleypas). i was crying when i got the part when her mother died and she had to pick a coffin. it was so damned difficult. i remember the phone call by my auntie melda and my brother. i was still in manila but we need to decide on my mother's coffin. she was trying to tell me what kind of coffin they'd pick for her. it was white and it looks nice. i couldn't breathe past the lump on my throat because i was trying hard not to picture my mom inside a coffin. it was so hard to deal with when you're hundres of miles away. i felt claustrophobic.

her memories are like water trying to escape out of my cupped hands. the more i hold on to it, the faster it leaked down my palms. i tried to remember how she smelled, how she looked, the sound of her voice. i tried to picture our happier times together but it just made me feel worst. worst than i've ever been when i heard she's gone. i wanted to go home and look at her picture. i was afraid i'd already forgotten. i am on the threshold of 2008 but my other foot refused to step off of 2007. i am stuck in its memories.

the beginning of 2008 is like a clock that's ticking off. counting. ticking until it reaches another may. another month and another day i want to forget. somedays i wonder why i can't just let go. some people just moved on, i don't bloody understand why i can't do the same.

may 2007 is my inflection point. my views changed. i stopped giving a damn. i don't give a rat's ass about what others think. screw them. when you're in so much pain, you get blind to almost everything else. it's the experience that changes the course of your life. it could either break you or make you. as for me i think i must be hell bent on destroying myself. all my self destructive tendencies came out after my mom died. if i didn't make a promise to take care of my brother, i would have ultimately stopped caring. i worry him sometimes. i think instead of taking care of him, he takes care of me.





Do not stand at my grave and weep
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.


--Mary Elizabeth Frye