Impulse: the PS 2007 Year End Party

@ Folk Arts Theatre
December 21, 2007

@ getting to the venue is like a trip to hell (now I know how it feels like). Friday traffic is the stuff of nightmares!
@ food is tres terribles
@ but the bands were great
- missed Up Dharma =( (because of the friggin' traffic)
- bamboo is soo hotttt (watching him dance makes me so hot rawr haha! )
- chito of parokya tried to get some of the PS crowd drunk by sharing beer with the audience (way to go man!)
- jay of kamikazee is drunk haha!
@ goodbye 2007






Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we're here we should dance. - Unknown

Life and a Can of Beer

I received this from my Auntie Melds who got this from her brother, my Uncle Bob ( is it just me or does everyone have an Uncle Bob?). I had a downer yesterday; but this story perked me up somewhat and made my grey matters swirl.

This is for those who have screwed up priorities ....
for those who are in limbo land...
for those missing the important things...the things that matter but due to annoying (some unforeseen) circumstances, have (temporarily) relegated the main stuff to the back burner.


When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough,

remember the mayonnaise jar........and the beer.


A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. "

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else--the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18.

There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."




~Author Unknown~





Treat every day as if it were your last and one day you will be right.

When it rains, I hope it's margarita.

December 8
@ Dencio's

merry christmas, i could care less - fall out boy

i am having a Grinch moment and one can only blame PMS for so much. these past few days are reminiscent of the days after my mother's death. getting up is so hard to do. i'm grumpy, depressed, sarcastic, grumpy, depressed, sarcastic, grumpy, depressed, sarcastic... if that doesn't make my point clear, then i don't know what will.

for the sake of the kids, i promised to be nice. but turning into a Grinch is so easy than pretending to have the holiday jeer err...cheer. i thought getting my 13th month would lift my spirits up. but i didn't check my account till a few days later. so that must tell me something. if money can't work it's usual charm on this material girl living in a this material world, then i need another obsession... and fast.

i punished myself with dark chocolates and splurging thousands on books. oh my god i am so fucking depressed. but these chocolates are so fucking delicious let me worry about an expanding waistline in january. hello diabetes. i alternate between the highs of anger and the lows of depression. what a trip.

i wish i had an addiction. i want to get wasted. i wish i smoke. i wish i were an alcoholic. maybe i can work out my anger by blowing smoke circles in the air or getting piss drunk. but i can't stand the smell of cigarettes and i never was such a fan of beer. i am so doomed.

i just realized it's so hard to fake enthusiasm. it's so hard to feel better when everyone around you is so piss happy. if every sonofabitch is squealing with happiness. oh please, i am so going to gag.

i just want this bloody season to be over. please let it be over. i cannot wait for this bloody month to be over. i wish it were february already. this bloody month is starting to get on my bloody nerves and i am so bloody contemplating never showing up for work. i want go where there is no bloody christmas. wait, do they celebrate it in tawi-tawi? so help me god i am contemplating exile.


arrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggg..............................




............................................................pass me more of those chocolates






Yesterday I was a dog. Today I'm a dog. Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog. Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement. - Charles M. Schulz, (Snoopy)

Eat a live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.- Unknown

agreeing with chacha to extend my agony for 1 more week is a big mistake. i should've asked for a later shift than 5 am (like that's gonna happen, but a girl can hope). but i don't know what's good for me so i agreed before my thought process finally recognized what an idjit i was.

i was late 4 out of 5 this week from 10 minutes to 4 hours. if that doesn't get me fired i don't know what will. hello final written warning. yesterday, i was more than 4 hours late. it was one of those days the Universe reminds you you're a girl. when i woke up with the cramps, everything went downhill after that. it couldn't have come at a better time when i have a very, very, very 早上 shift.

after taking pain killers, i went back to bed thinking i'll just lie down for an hour more just to let it pass. frankly, can't girls get a break when we're under the weather? boys get circumcised only once and i didn't choose to be a girl. so give me a break. i fell back to sleep and woke up with the phone vibrating next to my arm. my eyes popped open so fast and when i turned to the window; oh lookie sun is up. bloody hell. it's past 6am. almost 7.

i resolved to go to work early the next day. but you know what they say... the road to hell is paved with good intentions. so is mine. i was still more than 4 hours late. i asked my brother if he heard the phome alarm. he said he did. it was so loud. i didn't hear it. he said i turned it off. crap. i don't remember doing it. crap. crap. i need cymbals banged next to my ear to wake me up.






I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere. - Unknown

if you find yourself at the end of the rope, tie a knot and hang in there.

so too this day will pass, like the other days. i don't want to pause and think about it. or i would break down and cry. so i passed the day working. because when i work, then i don't think about anything but work or the puzzles i have yet to solve. it blocks out everything i refuse to think about.

i thought about taking a leave. but i think too much. i might kill myself agonizing over the what-ifs if i stayed home. so i decided that taking supe calls from annoyed customers is the lesser evil.

but i still want her back. nothing is ever the same without her. 7months of just drifting on an endless sea, a boat tossed about by waves with nowhere to anchor, no lighthouse. 7 grey months that would drag on to more grey months.

after she was gone, i stopped caring about living. i was preoccupied with death. all consuming doubt. all consuming hate. i hated living when there is nothing to look forward to. no home to go to. no fallback. no one to comfort you when you're down. no one to pick you up when you hit rock bottom. i hated to be alive when she is dead. i don't want to live.

i hated God. for letting it happen. for every painful thing she went through. for every pain we went through. for every thing we would miss about her - light, love, touch. for everything we lost when we lost her.

there is no christmas for me. we don't look forward to it. my brother doesn't want to celebrate it. because it's so weird to celebrate it without her. i have stopped believing in santa claus a long time ago. maybe i should stop believing in You too.

i don't want to believe. there are no miracles in this world for me. just misery. i hate it when You play favorites. so i lost it. just lost it. i harnessed that anger and turned it into a fury that ate everything that continued to want to believe. i want to stop believing because You failed me. so stuff Yourself somewhere the sun don't shine.

but i know i am not the first on this boat. You have surely heard the same complaints before. same rants, it's no news to You. so my being angry wouldn't have put a dent on your day. just on mine and the rest of the people who would have to put up with me. being bitch. growing bitchier.

but i was born, bred and raised Catholic. i may have gone through st. Aquinas' summa theologica because of some stupid debate. but i hate what i know. i hate what my brain refused to forget. i've been indoctrinated to know enough that pretending You don't exist doesn't mean You don't exist. there are some things that even science can't explain. You don't change just because i changed my opinion of You. You will still be there even when i am not. i hate losing especially against my own logic.

i don't want to love. because i don't want to hurt like this ever again. i don't want to go through this e-v-e-r again. love doesn't make everything better. somethings but not this. love is such a bitch when you are the one left to grieve. loss is paralyzing. love is so short, forgetting is so long.

but yesterday was her birthday. i may be mad at You but she taught me good. she believed in You. so i set aside my anger for the day. we may not see each other eye to eye these days, but there are a lot of things that i would do for her. 6 feet under or not.

so shoty and i met at greenbelt for the mass. i would have made it through the day - no breaking down, no tears; but the priest invited the celebrants to come forward for the birthday blessing. but mama, you have gone ahead. months ago. somewhere blessed.

she would have been 57 yesterday.

Happy Birthday

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me.

--- Tonight I can write by Pablo Neruda