"so how do you stop your good friend from falling in love with scheming, two-timing S.O.B?" that was the question i overheard someone ask another someone over lunch as i was dining on porkchop drowned in mushroom soup. let's say that question is based on the premise that the other party is a proven scheming, two-timing, sh*t-faced, lying S.O.E.
it was enough to make me smile as i chomp on my meal. yum... anyway, my answer is "you don't." haha! after this few people might call me friend. but it was an interesting enough question that i'm willing to set aside an afternoon of puzzling out linya ng pagtatanong (go figure) and devote my overworked fingers into trying to make some sense out of this nonsense.
love, falling in love or thinking-you're-in-love is a tricky thing. if there is such thing as a warning to be given to those who think they are in love, it should be "therein lies madness. pursue at your own risk." more often than not, people who fall into the love-sick category are too hard-headed to listen. they don't see anything too clearly beyond what they see through their rose-colored lenses. or maybe deep inside they know but they can't help themselves. it's like a yosi addiction, you promised to stop at 1 stick a day but then it's in your blood. so you end up having two, then three and then a pack a day. then you end up in hospital getting chemotheraphy to cure you of your addiction. but seriously, you can't save them unless they wanted to be saved. to use an analogy, a life raft is of no use unless the drowning person actually makes a grab for it. duh!!!
falling in love is like getting drunk on a good wine. the more you imbibe of it, the greater the chance you won't be sitting behind the wheel. the more you drink of it, the greater the hangover, the worse the headache. because it tasted so good you keep taking one shot after another. before you know it your friends would be telling you, "lasing ka na." and you keep saying "no i'm not" and then laugh hysterically at such nonsense. take more shots... and finally you puke. but puking is never a guarantee you will not drink again, it just means that you'll be counting shots or bottles next time. same with love. getting your heart broken several times, doesn't stop it from beating (for someone) again.
anyway, let's say that you can't stand seeing your friend make a total ass of himself/herself over this S.O.E. you can't stand having your friend being the butt of everyone's joke. you tell your friend how inappropriate/mismatch/unhealthy (etc, etc) the relationship is; after all the guy or the girl is a two-timing, snake-tongued, sh*t-faced S.O.E. still you can only hope that your friend's brain is still logical enough to process that information and strong enough to make a clean break. the decision would still be up to your friend. you can only dispense an advice.
i studied in a chinese school. i never even realized that some chinese families don't embrace intermarriages openly until the later part of my highschool. the stories i've heard are just painfully heartbreaking. the length into which some of these families would actually go to to prevent that can be uhhh...shocking. really... telenovela kind of plot in the making. parents warning daughters/sons of being disinherited, etc etc. does that stop the young ones from following their hearts? in some cases it does douse the flame enough to get them to their senses; but for some of those who are brave enough (not to pay heed), crash and burn. better to have loved and lost than not at all, right? bullsh*t, but you tell me because i've never heard of anyone walk away from it intact.
i'm sure you've heard the you-and-me-against-the-world thing. it's the kind of relationship i hope never to encounter or experience. it makes those involved very fatalistic. it's like a runway train. some people in this kind of relationship are only willing to see one side. short of divine intervention, i'd say goodluck and God bless to anyone trying to stop this.
i've heard one father who has a daughter say that he stopped whining because that seemed to encouraged the relationship even more. if its doomed to fail, it will fail even without anyone's help. those in this type of relationship have seen too much cheesy movies or koreanonovelas and will try to do anything to make it work. it's painful to watch but it's your friend's life. you can't live it for them. if they're between 14 and 16, start praying. but if they're over 18, they're old enough to run their lives and hopefully know what's right from wrong; and wise enough to understand that some things are not just meant to be and to force it would do harm than good. if their families cannot even put a stop to it, i'm not sure if even you could. some people just needed to see some things through it's end, maybe your friend is one of them. you can't stop people form getting hurt, maybe you can stop a few from getting hurt some of the time but not all the time. there are some things they have to experience for themselves and this is one of those. of course it doesn't mean you can't nag, you can nag and nag some and then nag some more. but if you're told to shut, shut up. save your breath.
i know a guy who actually dated this girl who treated him like dirt for 2 friggin' years, witnessed their public arguments and the girl cursed him like a sailor. OMG. i wanted to tell the girl, "you kiss your mother with that mouth???" this guy just took it. everyone wondered how he put up with it. talk about being pussy-whipped (excuse me). he finally saw the light but i cannot understand how he managed to put up with such abuse.
to go back to the question, can you stop your friend from falling into the wrong sort of relationship? it's so easy to say yes. but how far has your friend fallen? if your friend is too 'blind' to see, then you have your work cut out for you. there are no definite answers. there is no such thing as ceteris paribus in this arena. so many market forces at work that you might as well try moving heaven closer to earth. some people just don't like to be told what to do. so let them figure it out for themselves. one can only sustain the fantasy of making it work for so long. it's inevitable, but one way or another reality will set in.
if the airport is the great equalizer in the amazing race, then love is the great equalizer among men. the wise become stupid and the stupid ahhh...never mind. they say there is no right or wrong when it comes to love. but i'd say it depends on what side you're on. if you're in, i'd say your judgment is impaired. if you're an uninterested third party, then you better wipe that sneer off you face.
they said that the head was placed above your shoulder to rule over your heart. let me tell you as well that the world is round and it has no point. haha! wait till you fall in love and tell me if you can feel your head at all.
Love is not blind - it sees more, not less. But because it sees more, it is willing to see. - Rabbi Julius Gordon
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