ingrata

i'm sorry. i could not dredge up any sympathies. i could not even make myself pretend i care. when i heard it's something like my mom's, i just didn't care. i had too many things in my mind. too many dead people that preoccupied my time. too many living people still wasting my time. you must all be going through what we went through a year ago. BTDTFT. the world doesn't stop but i don't think you need me to tell you that. life goes on no matter how badly you wished it to stop. it didn't stop for me. it doesn't stop for anybody. it won't stop for you. best to get the truth out. tears will not cure anything. wishing it away will not make it go away. this is your reality. it would have to be dealt with. maybe not now, but sooner than later...you will. because time is ticking and time is something you don't have.

i'm sorry. i don't care. i have so much hate. so much angst. pent up anger. not for you. but don't turn to me for sympathies, because there isn't any here for you or for anybody. i don't mean to be cold. i don't mean to be sarcastic. i just don't want you to waste your time or mine. what made me like this? Death... it takes away the masks, the niceties... so that there is nothing left to hide behind. i have always complained that it's not fair. i have always been told that it never was. now we're on the same boat. i know you wished you were somewhere else. so does everyone else here on this boat. so maybe God has wicked sense of humor...and we're the butt of his joke.

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster. - I saac Asimov