love.

that scourge.

tell me why i need to feel it when everybody i know becomes miserable because of it?
it makes intelligent people act stupid and sane people act foolish.why engage in something that doesn't even follow any kind of logic?
why risk yourself on something that is more unpredictable than the weather or the stock market?why gamble your heart over something that none of you may not even come out the winner?
why love?
why fall in love?
what happens after the free fall?
you hit the hard ground.
you bang your head.
you wake up.
when is love enough?
when to stop?
can you stop?
should you stop?

i have watched friends fall,
slowly and then too hard.
gambled and lost, gambled and won
only to let it all slip away in the end.
they say "in baking follow directions, in cooking go with your taste."
i'm not sure if this same rule holds true for this game.
do you follow your brain or your heart?
when to fight for it?
how do you know when to let go?
how would you know it's really right, when everyone tells you it's wrong?
but your heart insists it's right.

i am just too traumatized by what i see.
i have enclosed my heart.
that coward,
that shivering fool.
trapped by cowardice and fear.
i will be haunted by endless regrets.
until then...
i will hurt.
until then...
i will love,



secretly...